Personal connection is the energy of relationships. Remember Christmas time as a child? The tree was decorated and everyone awaited that special moment when the brilliance of the lights lit up the room. This was because a connection was made between the string of lights and the outlet. Utilizing communication to connect with an individual is much the same way. When people connect with one another, there is energy that is brought to the relationship, and with each connection and understanding of the other, the relationship grows. God’s design for our life is to be in relationships with one another, to be connected. He desires us to love one another.
A very basic communication tool that anyone can accomplish when having discussions or disagreements is that of knowing if your role is the receiver, or the one sending the message. Often times when an argument occurs, both are trying to talk and no one is really hearing what is being said.
To build a deeper and richer relationship, know your role and care about what is being said. Hold each role as being equally important. If you are the listener give it your all and stay in your role until it is your turn to express yourself. When you listen, do so with all of your heart! Care about what is being said and attempt to hear the “meaning” of the message. Connections occur when one has eye contact with another, so be sure to face each other when you speak.
When you listen with your head versus your heart, you hear the words, but rarely does it make sense or even matter. When you give the person expressing themselves the time, undivided attention, respect, and the love God wants you to give, the person sending the message and the relationship itself is ignited. When you understand the sent message you will see the other person relax, energy is brought back to them and the relationship grows.
One can respect and energize a relationship merely by listening, even when one does not agree with a person’s position or statement, energy can be brought to the relationship merely by being heard and listened to. If you want a brilliant relationship, start by making the connection-listen with your heart!
Lynnette Aschinger, LISW
Individual, Couples, Child, and Family Therapist serving Denison, Ida Grove, and Storm Lake, Iowa.